This is not going well..

I'll call it being foolhardy. Got tired of being sick and falling behind, so furiously decided to use the whole day to study, get everything done. Vindictively did all the econs schizz, read up my history, did the lit, practised maths and when I decided to take a break I went to write long philosophical commentaries in various places that nobody will probably even bother to read about anyway. Oh and I watched the debut episode of the mentalist on channel 5. Stuffing all this stuff in together with waiting for an eternity at the doctor's meant that I slept at about 3am.

That was yesterday/earlier this morning. A 3 hour nap later, I'm worse than ever. I am so exasperated that I'm not even bothering to go back to sleep. So I'm here, sniffling, coughing, rasping a little, and trying to stand up as little as possible coz bending up and down is causing tendrils of pain to shoot through the left side of the lower back and ranting at how I can't seem to fault on this on anyone or anything.

I dunno. I juz dunno. Maybe that's how stress is manifesting itself on me. What, one day you're fine and every other day, you gotta kneel by the basin to brush your teeth coz you can't bend your back at all? Shivers and trembles at room temperature? Vomitting out strange greenish looking stuff? I refuse to believe I'm a medical anomaly on that many counts, all within the span of this year. Plus there have been whole weeks when there's totally nothing wrong with me, and then days like these pop out. There has got to be a reason. I've never been this frail. So maybe I don't get enough sleep, but hell I've been used to late nights since.. oh I can't even remember how long it has been. Maybe this will all catch up with me in my old age (provided I live that long) but I'm freaking 19 and an A level year is really not such a nice time for this sorta thing to rebound back like karma.

And the cute thing is I don't even feel stressed, if it weren't for all this. I have hardly had a more stress-free year in my whole life so far. Its just plain normal school life, what is there to find difficulty handling? Nothing to get killed from, nothing to get hurt from, nothing to need to contact 200 over people just to get some information about something that probably takes a Ph.D in nuclear physics to understand, oh yeah plenty of pressure in school life. There isn't even anybody competent picking a fight. Hell, there isn't even anybody picking a fight.

Suddenly I miss my family. They don't bother with much, but if I get into a rampage about how I can't handle studies, they'd probably sit up. Maybe they'll be able to fulfill the occasional responsibilities of a dad and mom and actually come up with something that'll work for their kid.

Right, now I'm being sick and cynical. Great.

More maths, more econs, do that history tutorial on litespeed, I need to re-read Othello and lets have some positive attitude that tomorrow will be a better day~! Until a) some people decide for some reason to dislike me for not turning up, b) the teachers ask me for an excuse for not turning up when its sickeningly obvious they're not gonna give me one, and sooner or later they'll just give me up as a hopeless bum, c) I miss tests and assignments and what not that I have to find time to make up for (which I most probably can't coz I'm busy being sick some more) and d) classmates start thinking I'm like a solar eclipse.